Sometimes life is crappy for a reason..yes…it is.

Arthritis is really really really crappy. I want my normal-sized fingers back! I want to eat whatever I want to eat. I want to run down the stairs again. I want to stay up as late as I can without my hands turning red and splotchy. I really want to live the life of a twenty year old, not a fifty year old. I’m so sick of it.

Sometimes I let myself wish it was different. Other times I tell myself that it’s the way it is for a reason. Even if that reason is just that I will become the person I will become because of what has happened to me. That can actually be a very powerful motivator to let life continue to beat you up. I see how arthritis has changed me so far and I can imagine it has yet to change me more. I like who I have become because I have arthritis. I’m a little hard on the outside because of the physical pain and the way it’s made me tough it out on days when I couldn’t even put on a sock. That part of me knows I can make my life whatever I want it to be. In other ways, it’s made me want to learn more about health and the cause of the disease. I may actually live a better life now because I know how to treat my body right. It’s made my mom, my sister, my brother, and my dad a lot closer to me. It’s helped me to understand that even though the only person who can make your life happen is you, it’s still okay to ask for help. And it’s also made me realize that you can never hide your struggles from those who care about you no matter how tough you are.

The most recent change I see in myself is my realization that everyone has a struggle that they are fighting to get through and if we all helped in any way that we knew how to than we could all make our lives a little bit easier. I want to help but I’m still trying to figure out how.

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~ by thetruthaboutjra on January 25, 2009.

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